Are you tall, dark and a handsome boy, stepping out of mills and boons novels? If not, don’t worry, nothing is lost. Dream girl can still be yours. You still can hope for a beautiful bride provided you fulfill certain minor criteria because you are a privileged male gender.

 Mainly Money Matters in Matrimonial Market for Males (in sync with beauty in females). Those handsome boys with fat salary and perks to boast belong to the premium brand, never mind if the shade of your skin is on the darker side (Krishna was black too). Parents of daughters of marriageable age will chase you till you finally give in to one of the slim, fair and beautiful ones; the best of the lot. It is inconsequential even if you are short or plump, only your pay packet must compensate. The fatter the pay packet the better it gets.

And if you happen to have settled in a foreign country then there is no dearth of people seeking your hand for their esteemed daughters. As if foreign land will wipe out everything your traditional upbringing has taught you and automatically change your outlook. That you are still the same guy who relishes eating with bare hands or want a wife who looks after your needs like your mother did sometime back, goes unnoticed by seekers of the right match. Oh! the boy is working in an MNC (as if he owns it). He has a business (it’s his father’s actually but one day he with his brothers will inherit it.) Never mind if the girl is a post graduate, she will adjust. Who cares about mental equation? Or if you are in a government department, the top up value of under the table exchange that exceeds meager pay packet is good enough.

As far as the opposite sex is concerned to be worthy of a groom she has to be slim, beautiful and smart with added advantage of belonging to a status family. Plain Janes stand no chance until their fathers are ready to part with hefty packages in the form of dowry and gifts.

Not wanting to sound cynical but to be born as a male in our country of multiple gods is a great boon. I have brought God into this argument because it is here that people go seeking male progeny. Glaring falling ratio of girls versus boys all over the country barring few states makes obvious statement about Indian parent’s inclination for boys. Such is the desperation of some parents that they just want to offload their burden (daughter) as soon as they find an eligible man (preferably bachelor) and offer dowry as value addition.

Long time back I was shaken one day when one of my very young newly married patient committed suicide because of domestic violence and within one year her father’s brother married her own daughter to this fellow simply because he was the father of five daughters. I see so many single girls crossing thirty or more who have lost hope of getting a decent partner because they are not a premium brand with beautiful packaging while to get a second wife after divorce or death of first wife isn’t all that difficult for men.

Yet there is a darker side to being a male; a prerequisite is, are you male enough (read rich enough) to be eligible?. All this has come from the fact that when women became home bound with pregnancy and children, males became the provider and protector. Translated in today’s world - To provide, you must have a fat pay packet. (Hunting skills are no more required). And to protect the fairer sex, you must have a good muscular body (translated as tall, dark and handsome in present times).

Thus you can’t cry and be called a sissy; can’t show tender emotions either. You are a man if you are aggressive. You are not man enough if you can’t do physical labor. The pressure to perform has to be born by men. You can’t sit at home and do nothing. This is a privilege only females can enjoy. Thus males must have initiative, endurance, physical prowess, strong in the face of adversity, and must provide the tender gender a shoulder to cry on. No one expects men to sit at home and look after their children while the mother works outside. If you cook, clean and do other homely chores there is something wrong with you. In the marriage market nobody wants to know your tender and compassionate side.

 So what do you do if you don’t belong to the category normally advertised? Take heart and look around there are plenty of nice girls with nicer hearts. You need to look for them without those tinted glasses.  

 It’s a pleasure to see that in these fast paced times where equations are altering by the day, the day is not far when girls/ parents would be looking out for a complete man and the advertisements seeking out grooms would read something like this-

Want a self made man who is a friend, companion, fun loving and ready to share house work, bringing up children, and so on…..

 Dr Madhvi Karol

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