IN Pursuit Of Happiness

 Just twelve years of age and working in some factory where they make sweet boxes, one of my employee’s son runs away from the job often to play Dhol ( Drums). With great intensity he beats those cylindrical sound boxes. In no time children, rather people from all age groups collect and dance on his beats. The pleasure is writ large on his face while playing those bloated side skins with sticks and mind you it is not for the money but just for the heck of it that he continues to beat them for hours together. There is no money in it for him except occasionally during festive season or once in a while in a marriage function.

Yesterday coming down the lift I encountered a small infant hardly four months of age who played with me for no reason. We faced each other while his mother had her back towards me. The smile that he gave me early morning was enough to make my day. The lift took just may be a minute to reach the ground floor but by then both of us exchanged a playful bonding. He kept looking at me till I left.

To escape scorching summer heat of Delhi during May and June, normally we make a trip to a hill station. Snow peaked mountains, greenery and cool air is so rejuvenating that sometimes I envy people living there permanently thinking that they have such pleasant weather compared to metros. But ask those who have to eek out their living there round the year; the hardships they face during winters and rainy season can easily quash our desire to stay there permanently. When sun doesn’t come out for days together and snow covers everything including roads; when water freezes in pipes and taps and with everything wet and frozen, lighting and keeping things warm is a Herculean task. When you have to wear layers of clothes to keep yourself warm and pray to god that you don’t fall sick or need medical attention!

So we want sun in winters, rain in summers and with rains we don’t want floods, mosquitoes and other insects. There is nothing in life that doesn’t come with a baggage. There is nothing in life that gives permanent happiness yet we all strive to hold it permanently. It is always in a state of flux but we all wish it to stabilize for us…..forever ( or till we last) simply for the reason that firstly decay is the rule of this world and secondly there is a cyclical nature to everything. Nothing is stationary but moves in a pattern like waves….going up and down, weathering storms and drizzle in the way. Everything that we have or get or receive is temporary whether it is a physical thing, an emotional attribute or life itself. Hence happiness can not be eternal either.

But the truth is everything here has a cyclical nature. Happiness is followed by sorrow and myriads of other emotional states. All these states are learning processes necessary to actually understand and know what real pleasure is! Take for example sun. It is in a way a constant factor in our life without which the earth and its inhabitants in its present form can not survive. Yet if sun doesn’t go down every twelve hours, its constant burning and heat can dehydrate and destroy everything on this earth. To protect ourselves from too much sun we need shade and night. The sun and earth are doing whatever is expected of them.

The physical world around us viz sun, stars, air, our earth and other planets seem to be there from time immemorial yet they have originated at some point of time and will cease to exist once their functional aspect is over. But if they could feel they would find happiness till they last because they are doing what they are supposed to be doing. Ultimately happiness lies in the purpose of life!

We all are attracted and wish to move towards positive aspects of life. Thus permanent pleasure without any hindrance is all that we aspire for. But why does it elude us?   In physical world we try to find it in acquired material; a house, a job, a love etc., Sages have moved to mountains, leaving everything behind to hold on to it yet no one knows if anyone has actually retained it for life. Even great saints who are evolved souls have not been able to do so permanently; they have to go through trials and tribulations of life too.

 To understand the meaning of permanent pleasure we must first define it

 Can we say it is something that keeps us in eternal mode of happiness, be it physical, mental, emotional or spiritual.

 Like I have said in the beginning that the only thing absolutely certain on this earth is death; whether we like it or not, we can not escape its clutches. Being here for a temporary period, we must accomplish whatever we wish to within this slotted time period. Rather most important thing is to understand our real worth and purpose in this life. Once we understand these two aspects of life and put our best effort to move in the direction to achieve them only then we can hope to get a sustainable pleasure ….not a permanent one! Otherwise this life will be a wasted journey and who knows when and if and in what circumstances you get it back….if ever!

I know a friend who was… is beautiful but her parents married her off to someone an inch shorter than her and not a very handsome man. But that was least of her problems. This man lived and slept with liquor. He earned very well but never allowed his wife to work fearing she might find other men more attractive. A well educated nice girl was made to sit at home and go through rigors of domesticity that weren’t very favorable either. She had plenty of money at her disposal but was unhappy simply for the reason she had to stifle all her desires and ambitions because her husband never allowed her to indulge in any.

Then her husband died a couple of years back. She did everything she could to save him, taking his frustrations and foul language in her stride but once he passed away there is no looking back now. Bitten by the travel bug she is trying to satiate her need to trek to far off places; enjoying every moment of it despite being ridiculed often. Now she has taken up a teaching job too. Trying to do whatever she was denied when he was alive; running after those unfulfilled dreams as if there is no tomorrow.

 Most of us though are pushing ourselves in the direction that looks lucrative. And everything ends up in earning more money. Not that there is anything wrong in it and it does make our life more comfortable and easy yet until we connect to the inner self , happiness will elude us at every juncture of our life.

Happiness means doing what you are best doing at. Happiness is polishing your skills, talents and hobbies. Happiness is sifting through the maze of desires and getting to that basic structure that you are made up of. Happiness is getting the verve and courage to achieve what you want to achieve. Happiness is living life at your own terms.

What most of us forget is that happiness is allowing others to live their life the way they wish to. It is also helping others achieve their potential. Happiness is finding pleasure in others happiness too. Happiness is not to force anyone live your dreams. Happiness is to do away with expectations.

Happiness is a state of mind but it doesn’t come automatically. To reach that state we must connect to our inner self and be at peace with us. Call it genetics but we all are made up of special stuff and have different purposes in life. This world is a jigsaw puzzle and being a part of it, we must fit into the allotted slot to complete the picture; when we do that we take a step towards achieving a state of sustained pleasure.

Dr Madhvi Karol