LOVE; Redefined

Many poets have written about love. As the saying goes ‘Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder’ I would say love lies in the heart of a lover. So are you in love? To answer that we must first know what love actually is? We being mortals, the eternal love professed by lovers can last till the lovers last. We try to equate love with something pure, unadulterated, eternal that gives us an unparalleled high, peace and something positive. Even the heart ache given by the lover is not considered in a negative light.

Before I go on to explain Love, let us first say that love has many facets thus love for your children, parents, friends, neighbors and relatives and for some higher beings- for animals, pets and the whole wide world encompasses the beautiful feeling which is described in one word ‘Love’.

How come then that love gets eroded, dims and sometimes disappears altogether with time? If it is real love, it should not. The man being imperfect, the love that he expresses can not be perfect either. Perfect love can come from a perfect person. For some perfect love can only be for God or from God. Now if God has made this imperfect world then the love can not be perfect for the creator of this world. Which in turn means God is someone who is beyond these worldly affairs. Well let me not go deep into that. I shall restrict myself to love of the ‘us’ imperfect mortal beings. And for us the meaning of love changes with time.

A teenager can’t distinguish between love and infatuation. The first crush can bring out oodles of emotions and you swing to extremes. You can’t live without each other. You defy the world and dare to elope with your lover damming the world that is trying to rein in your unchecked flowing emotions.

 In twenties it is discovering your mate and your own self and coming to terms with your sexuality. You are still floating in air with dreams in your eyes.

In thirties you are grounded and discover love is commitment and adjustments. It is putting up a life together. At this time you share it with children and extended family.

In forties love begins to give stability; sometimes taking each other for granted. Your love learns to accept each other’s eccentricities too.

In fifties the process of rediscovering each other starts once again with another bout of adjustments because the children have left the nest and you have more time for each other. It is also about accepting wrinkles and sagging body of your lover.

In sixties it is accepting your frailty and sharing each other’s happiness and grief; being nostalgic of the time spent together, coupled with uncertainty of the future.

 From seventy onwards love is fear of loneliness, fear of losing your partner knowing that one or the other may leave never to come back again.

In eighties and nineties love is self absorption like that of a child.

 Sprinkle on this masala of possessiveness, insecurities, tinge of jealousy; garnish it with few more earthly emotions and there, you have a good recipe of Love on your plate.

Dr Madhvi