Marriage vs.  Live in-Relationships

                                
                 

The oldest institution on earth concerning human relationships is marriage that has survived all odds all over the world. Despite doubts raised by people who suffer failure in marriage, strangely it is something that most aspire to reach at some point in their life. Those who fail once, wish to try it the second or even third time. I am not talking of western countries where celebrities get into multiple marriages for the sake of money offered for scoops.

 
So what is it that makes marriage desirable? Why not just live in together and walk away when it becomes inconvenient? Why get married and then suffer the trauma of divorce if you are incompatible? Why suffer idiosyncrasies of your partner? Why spend rest of your life with a person whose wavelength doesn’t match yours? Why travel half way to make up rather than walk away whenever you want? These choices are available in Live in relationships.

With High rate of educated people whether girls or boys living away from their families, it becomes easier for younger generation to experiment with such relationships without being committed. The option to part away for various reasons makes it attractive and fearsome at the same time. Attractive because you can have good time till you want and move out at will; fearsome because emotional involvement leaves you bitter and makes you feel used or exploited especially if one partner is more involved than the other. Herein lie the disadvantage of live- ins. The insecurity associated with it can make you anxious. In our social set up, sanction for such couples is lacking too putting them under great strain. The society’s disapproval and parent’s condemnation can make your life difficult unless you are really strong and know what you are getting into.

Stamp of social approval is sought by most because we are social beings. Some may try hard to rebel against the set norms, yet life is easier without being ridiculed. Marriage gives permanence to a temporary union, pushing two divergent personalities to adjust and care for each other. It asks for commitment and sacrifices. It asks to redeem your ego in favor of harmony. It prods you to bring balance in life at the cost of self determination; at age twenty five plus, it doesn’t get easier.

 Advantages of such relationships are that you need not stick together if both partners are really incompatible. The trauma is much less than divorce because divorce itself is hurtful with false allegations and counter allegations making it a cruel battle of wits where no one wins except may be the lawyers.  With increasing age of marriage of girls, the divorce rate is prortionately rising too. No more subdued; no more accomodating; having mind of their own and economically independent, men just can't take women for granted anymore. This imbalance in their thinking, if sorted out before they commit to get married is a much better option.

 Marriage is social approval to enjoy conjugal bliss. The arrangement was good when girls and boys were too young to understand self assertion. It’s no more the case. By the time two people marry they have their own established identities and convictions and are less pliable leading to high rate of separations and divorces. The tragedy in our country is that without this approval many people are deprived of a normal and natural conjugal activity even when they are past their prime. In that case permission from society doesn’t make sense. Perhaps its time to re evaluate our notions of marriage and work with natural forces rather than against them. It is ridiculous to deprive adults around age thirty to remain virgin if they don’t get married. It’s against nature. Perhaps time is ripe to rethink the meaning of marriage; time to give two adults choice to look for compatibility before they exchange vows to remain forever with each other. Institution of marriage then will be at sync with this new career oriented generation.

 Major reason that marriage is still relevant and will remain so in future is because children need security of home and must be raised by both parents for best results. Home is something to come back to, after a grueling day. Home is where children thrive. For the sake of future generation it has to be preserved with all its sanctity but with flexible approach. Equally important reason to save it is because at the sunset of life it provides for companionship once children leave you to make their own homes.

Dr Madhvi Karol